some thoughts on the subject of love
A person I care about very deeply is currently going through quite an ordeal, and I think that a large part of it has to do with some very sick ideas about love that way too many people seem to hold. I'm going to try to keep this post as general as possible, so as not to make it another part of the 'Art of War for Retards', as I myself called it, over on the talkbacks of another blog.
This is going to be a bit disorganized, and somewhat sloppy. I'm muddling through here a bit.
I think possibly the most dangerous commonly held idea about love is that if you love someone,(or, at least, think that you love someone) that person somehow owes you an emotional debt, regardless of their own feelings. Unrequited love is painful, but other people are not the custodians of our feelings.
The notion of 'love' as some freefloating thing that needs to be acknowledged and returned is also dangerous, in that it makes it easier for the person who claims to be in love to behave in very unloving ways, and feel justified because of the intensity of their emotions. Not only does it justify so many decidedly unpleasant behaviors, if the 'love' is not returned, it gives them the further feeling of being a martyr.
People need to own their own feelings. This means acknowledging that what you to other people is pretty much completely irrelevant to how they feel, or should feel, about you. The only standard that another person has for judging what you feel towards them is how you behave. If you feel love, but act in a hateful manner, than the object of your 'love' is perfectly justified in seeing you as a monster.
Anyway, I don't know if this is just a bunch of pretentious bullshit, or something someone might be interested in, but there it is.
This is going to be a bit disorganized, and somewhat sloppy. I'm muddling through here a bit.
I think possibly the most dangerous commonly held idea about love is that if you love someone,(or, at least, think that you love someone) that person somehow owes you an emotional debt, regardless of their own feelings. Unrequited love is painful, but other people are not the custodians of our feelings.
The notion of 'love' as some freefloating thing that needs to be acknowledged and returned is also dangerous, in that it makes it easier for the person who claims to be in love to behave in very unloving ways, and feel justified because of the intensity of their emotions. Not only does it justify so many decidedly unpleasant behaviors, if the 'love' is not returned, it gives them the further feeling of being a martyr.
People need to own their own feelings. This means acknowledging that what you to other people is pretty much completely irrelevant to how they feel, or should feel, about you. The only standard that another person has for judging what you feel towards them is how you behave. If you feel love, but act in a hateful manner, than the object of your 'love' is perfectly justified in seeing you as a monster.
Anyway, I don't know if this is just a bunch of pretentious bullshit, or something someone might be interested in, but there it is.
posted by Ralph Nadir at 10:11 AM
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